the not so fabulous life of marie...

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(no subject)
maries_world
so nothing has changed lately, i feel lonely, lost and pathetic!

my friends are living life to the fullest, they go to university ,make new friends and simply enjoy life. BUT I am still living at home, no university, no new people instead NUMBNESS,LONLINESS. i should be happy because i have a wonderfull boyfriends who adores me and a few friends.

but it seems like my friends are starting to forget about me, they live far away because they had to move for university. now its like i have to call them to talk but they never call me, aicha promised to call me today but its already 6.30 pm and nothing so far.i guess she already replaced me.

i sooo hate feeling the way i do right now but theres no way to change it.i try my best to be happy but somehow its not working. i said it before but i really need to be the person i used to!!!

since the break.up with my ex something changed, i changed but not in a positve way . something broke inside of me and i dont know how to fix it. maybe it cant be fixed .i dont know, i wish i could talk to the one person i miss the most , the one i used to tell all my secrets and problems but she replaced me, too.

men tell me all the time that im really pretty and nice but why doesn't anybody care enough to call or mail me?
All i want is to have friends who care and cant imagine living a life without me. am i asking too much?

x
Tags:

lost
maries_world
i stopped appreciating things, i simply started to take them for granted.

lately i realized that a lot of things that used to make me happy do not make me happy anymore. and i dont know why.
most of the time i feel numb, i dont have any feelings at all. sitting at home and being all by myeslf most of the day changed me, i feel so lonely and i dont know how to get rid of that feeling. it eats me up and im slowly falling into a deep hole where theres no way out.

last weekend my mom celebrated her b-day and all her friends and my family was there. a few months ago i would have been really happy to see all of them but now theres ...nothing! i wanna be the person i used to be , the one who enjoyed going out dancing a lot, who loved meeting new people, making new friends and who enjoyed live itself.
but how do i get back?

i feel lost and not happy at all. i do have a boyfriend who adores and appreciates me but i dont know how i feel about it, i guess he just keeps me from being lonely.


take care
Marie

im pathetic !!!
maries_world
I'm ridiculous and really pathetic!

yesterday my former best friend put some new picture of herself and her boyfriend on myspace and i felt like shit looking at them. her life seems to be going on just fine without me but mine is fucked up these days. that sucks! why do i need her more than she ever needed me?thats not fair!
i hate myself for missing her sooo much, i wish we could fix our problems but i guess she doesnt want to. *sigh*
a good friend of mine, Aicha, told me that i depend a lot on my friends and that i give people 100 chances even though they do not deserve them at all. im better than that!
still, i want her back but i dont wanna piss her of by talking to her.
tell me, what can i do?

take care

Marie
Tags: ,

sick
maries_world
hey guys,
its official, im sick!!!!!
today i had a great job interview so they want me to work next week to see if i can actually do it. BUT as soon as i came home i got sick, my throat hurts, i got a huge headache and i guess i have an ear infection, so tomorrow morning, which is in 6 hours, i will have to see my doctor.i already know that hes gonna give me antibiotics and it sucks. i hate being sick and moreover this is just bad timing, come on i gotta work on MONDAY!

enough for today

take care
marie

life is so fucked up
maries_world
hey guys,
so while im writing this entry i am crying, my face is already swollen and i dont know if i will ever b e able to stop it.
my ex an di have been talking a lot recentlybecause we wanted to be friends, so today we talked again. first everything was fine but then he said that we should not talk for a while because this friendships is not working out, i tried to convince him that this is not true but he said that its better for the two of us, he wants me to heal my soul which he broke, he feels sorry for hurting me and he said that i am one of the most amzing women he has ever met in his life and that i was the first girl that he actually has true feelings for.
it was so hard to say good bye and it felt like he broke up with me again. i feel the same way as two months ago when he first said good bye but this time he really means it. he also said that we will meet again if its fate.
omg, i feel like he left and took my heart with him. i so hope that i will see him again. i think it was hard for him too to leave me.

so now im talking to one of my best friends who is a guy and he is so awesome, he is trying to put my pieces back together again. love you so much tony!i wouldnt know what to do without him.

enough about my me for today, crying needs my complete attention now

see ya

take care
Marie

about guys and books
maries_world

hey guys,
today my ex talked to me and he totally confused me, he basically said that he misses me and wouldnt mind having sex from time to time but he doesnt wanna have a relationship again. i nearly cried when he told me that he missed " us" . i also realized something really important today, sometimes two people simply meet at the wrong time at the wrong place,they love eachother but they are not meant to be, cause love is not enough. i still like him but my future is with someone else, maybe with chris, i dont know . all im sure about is that theres no tomorrow with my ex ryan. to him education is more important than a woman in his life, she would distract him from his goals, after graduation university he wants to find his true love. thats what he told me and it felt like a slap in my face. he thinks he cant have both without neglecting one of it. maybe hes right but i wanna have love and joy in my life while i enjoy a good education.

anyway, i decided to write a book, it just hit me in the middle of the night, i woke up and  i had the idea of writing my own book. its gonna be a children's book.
wish me luck and patient with that guys

take care
Marie

worries
maries_world
hey guys,

i am worried a lot lately. everytime my mom gets home late or is  being  late in general i am  nearly  freaking out but i am not showing because my sister  already has problems coping with our dad passing away. my mom is all parent i got left and i couldnt stand losing her, she is my rock, she is there whenever i need her, shes a great mom and i love her to death.
my sister was having a really hard time right after my father died this january, she had to take pills because of her depressions, sometimes she just started crying out of nowhere and all my moms attention was focused on my sisters well being, i felt like she forgot about me, that i was having a hard time too.i felt lonely .

i am done talking about my issues for tonight

take care
Marie

someone really cares
maries_world
hey guys,
so i havent heard from that school so far and its really starting to piss me off. i wanna work, i need to get out of the house before im gonna go completely nuts.*sigh*

my friend tony just told me that his life is better now that he got a friend like me. i wanted to hug him and tell him how happy it makes me that someone really cares but we have only been talking on yahoo so that didnt work lol. i really hope im gonna see him again soon.
one of his friends even asked him if theres more between the two of us.lol. hes just a great friend even though i wanted more when we first started talking but thats so over now.im probably gonna take him to some medieval marke next wekk, and its gonna be awesome.

so thats it for today, my life is still as boring as it was yesterday and the day before and......

take care
Marie

Tags: ,

(no subject)
maries_world

hey guys, whats up?

umm today sucked, big time! i mailed my former best friend last friday, told her that i miss her and that a lot went wrong between us.today she replied, she basicaly said that she doesnt miss me at all, her life is awesome the way it is and that she doesnt wanna fix our friendship. wow, i thought i was gonna cry or something but i didnt and it wasnt as painful as i thought it would be.seems like frindship means a hell lot more to me than to her, she didnt deserve me. its just sad, one day shes gonna realize how messed up her life really is and that her bf is an ass nad than she will come back to me, but i wont forgive her, i cant.

thats it for now.

take care and peace
Marie
Tags:

my laptop and my ex
maries_world
hey guys, whats up?
so i heard from my old elementary  school and they said that they cant give me the job, great!!! :(
but theres also good news, another school called and agreed, all i gotta do is send them a letter and thats it.
im glad that finally my life is falling together instead of falling apart, i got a job, friends and a great guy who really seems to care about me.

yesterday someone from my past stepped into my life again. my ex Ryan talked to me on IM and he was really nice. he asked me my why i dont mail him anymore..i thought thats what he wanted, i thought he didnt wanna talk to me anymore! guys!!
well, seems like he he still wants to know whats going on in my life and to be honest, i like it because i do miss talking to him, seeing him.*sigh*

now the bad news, my laptop got a virus or something like that, all i can d is facebook, LJ, myspace and yahoo, basically thats all i need but still. i think i need to get it professionaly fixed but that means spending a lil fortune ! *huge sigh*
but that computer is my baby  and i would do anything for it lol

thats all i gotta say for now. have a great day !

take care
 

Marie




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