the not so fabulous life of marie...

come in and find out

new guy
so i met someone new, he is 24, handsome and seems to be one of the good guys. i hope i am right about him and he is not gonna prove me wrong. so keep your fingers crossed for me. i really want this to work but im not gonna put too much hope in it so in case he will disappoint me im not gonna be sitting at home crying. dont expect anything from anyone that way you dont get hurt!

thats about it for now.ttyl :)

(no subject)
lately i have sleeping problems, it takes hours for me to fall asleep and so i finally close my eyes in the morning and wake up in the afternoon. the problem is that if i wake up soo late, i am simply not tired till 4 or 5 am. it is really stressing me out!!!

instead of being calm in this situation to be able to sleep, I am stressing myself so much that i get nausea. my mom is patient with me eventhough i keep her up almost every nite. shes worried , she wants me to relax but its really hard. i guess the sleeping problem is my body's response to my inner issues that ive been dening to cope with. i feel lonely and i could cry every second of the day and i dont know why.

anyways, i will watch a bit tv now to hopefully get tired, so wish me luck !!!

hey everyone

it is exactly 0.23 am on january 1st .it is finaly 2010 . this year has to be better than the last one because 2009 sucked big time.

i hope all of you have a good time but dont party too hard lol.


(no subject)
I hate when people i know become people i knew...

(no subject)
hey guys,

so i broke up with my boyfriend last week because i couldnt do it no longer. i wasnt in love with him and we were too different, i mean there is a good kind of different but we were wrong for each other. he might not see this right now but maybe in the future. we havent talked since than and thats good. i cant talk to him right now, maybe in a few weeks but not the past few weeks all he did was annoy me like crazy and i didnt even want to see him anymore.but he is a good guy.

so today i mailed him. i dont know if hes gonna mail back or not and i dont even know if i want him to reply. i am doing fine without him even though i thought i would  be miserable. my life is going on and its finally headin in the right direction, i applied for universities and now im waiting for their answers.

thats it for today, tomorrow its christmas and our kitchen is packed with food.i cant wait lol

i wish you all a merry christmas !!!! :)

Confusion and numbness...
i need some advice....
i just got off the phone with my boyfriend, i wanted to break up with him but something kept me from doing it. i started crying like a baby because it breaks my heart knowing that i would hurt him by ending this. but i need to let him go. im a mess right now and not able to have a working relationship, additionally ,theres is no attraction anymore, from my side.

hes a good guy and i wish him all the best, he deserves someone who adores him as much as he adores me.hes a caring person but he is not the right one for me. i want butterflies in my belly everytime i see him or he kisses me but instead there is confusion and numbness.

he told me to think about everything and to calm down. he wants me to call later. i guess he thinks i will change my mind till then but no, i still feel the same way.

i think the only reason why i am still with hi is that he is keeping me from being tottaly lonely......

can some body help me ???? please

life and its difficulties !
Hey guys,

i just realized that its been a while since i last blogged here on LJ. Well, I'm back now :)

Im pretty busy with myself lately, i really have to figure out what to study next year and where . its driving me insane because i really dont have a clue where to study. i always wanted to leave home, be on my own far away, i even considered London but now its different. i still wanna move out but im gonna stay close by.i simply realized whats really important in life and who i can count on even in bad times.

Im still with my boyffiend but im not as happy as i was in my last relationship which bugs me a lot, i wonder if its the right thing to be in this relationship. ugh :(

i remember when i was in elementary school. i didnt like guys back then and i wish i would still feel the same way about them today lol
it would spare me a lot of drama and heartache......and tears!!!

i wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!! ( i know its still 3 weeks but i dont care lol)

take care Marie

today really sucked !!!
i just told me ex best friend whats on my mind, how i feel about her behaviour and what i think about the friendship we used to have, i f im gonna lose her im gonna lose fighting, isnt that what it is all about? fighting for what you truely want.

i still got a lil bit of hope left that maybe we will be friends again. but to be honest this hope is slowely vanishing into thin air. maybe i just pretend to have hope left because facing the truth would hurt too much, i dont know. i feel like crying right now. today sucked soo bad and i jsut dont know what to do anymore!

this cant be true!!!
this just cant be happening right now, not now!!!

i was just talking to one of my friends on IM. it was a normal conversation, he was drinking wine and once again we talked about my messed up life but he was totally ok with that, he always is. but then he said : "  somethimes i think u wanna kiss me lol" and i thought it was a joke. he then said that it is a strong wine or its real and then it hit me.
HES INTO ME!!!! oh fuck, fuck , fuck !!! this just cant be happening.
i asked him what was real and he wanted to know what i was thinking  and all i could say was " i dont know"
after that he had to go but he told me hes gonna talk to me about something tomorrow.

i dont want this to be true because i cant afford losing another friend.i only have a few friends left and i so dont wanna give up this friendship because of something like that. i dont wanna know what he wants to talk about , i just wanna keep my friend. this s just not fair , why is my lifw such a mess right now? why? i dont deserve this!!!

any suggestions what to do now???

take care

(no subject)
If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose and why? Would you do or say anything different? How do you think it would change your life?

if i could turn back time and relive one hour of my life I would go back to the 27th january 2009 to call my dad in the hospital to tell him that i love him even though we were fighting a lot and didnt get along the past 4 years.

he died that day and i didnt tell him how i feel about him, i was too angry at him most of the past few years but now theres no way to tell him that i love him no matter how bad hes been acting.i knew he was gonna die but i pretend to not care but now i wish i could go back to that day to say what  i wanted to.
i dont know if that would change my life but maybe his life. i hope he didnt die thinking i hated him. maybe he would have died in better peace knowing that i did care. i dont know.

my dad didnt see me graduate, wearing my beautiful dress, he will never see me marry or have babies and that makes me so sad that it takes my breathe away.

tell your parents that you love them even though you dont get along because one day it could be too late, thats what i learned in the past 9 months.

R.I.P. Dad


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